WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO. You always wanted to be a firefighter when you were growing up! Once you get your hands on this DFT Fire Truck, you'll be the envy of all your childhood friends, many of whom have moved onto actual jobs and more feasible goals! But don't let that stop you, this here's a fire truck! You've got all the bells and whistles, or rather, all the lights and sirens on this. Hell, we'll even throw in a FREE water cannon! That's right, a FREE water cannon! Put out fires, water your lawn, or depending on how sick you are, hose down people who walk onto your street who don't look like you! "Equality" they say? Bah! You've got a firetruck and they don't!

[replaces Firetruk]



[Author - universetwisters]

Hey, look what my nephew got at a car auction! I specifically told him to go there and get us something we could sell, and instead of coming back with something good, he comes back with three shitty cars! Some old Declasse Savanna squad car, a Boxville from 1969, and an old army Mesa converted for civilian use. Do we need it? Hell no! We're giving you a deal to get these three eyesores off our lot! For just $500, you can take these outdated contraptions home with you and do God knows what, we really don't care! Just get rid of them for us, please.

[replaces Yosemite]



[Author - universetwisters]

So you bought yourself a pickup truck, but now you're being laughed at, being called a Redneck and people assuming you're sleeping with your sister whilst high on moonshine. What do you do? Put a camper shell over the back! Then people don't think you're a redneck - people will think that you're a regular person who has to carry things, yet isn't doing it for looks! You HAVE to have them covered up with something! And what better way to do that with a camper shell? If you buy this YOSEMITE CAMPER for $8,500, we'll throw in this camper shell for FREE! That's right, we're throwing in this camper shell we pulled out of a scrapyard in the middle of the night and painted up for FREE! Of course the shell looks shitty - we got it at a scrapyard! But that doesn't matter - what does matter is that you have a camper shell over the bed of your brand new pickup, and that's a wonderful feeling.

[replaces Yosemite]



[Author - universetwisters]

Hey, hey, hey! Looking to make some ca-rrrrazzzyy money? Are ya ready? Here you go - a classic 1964 Savanna taxi!" What do I do with this", you ask? Here's what you do - you wait at the airport for whoever needs a ride. You two haggle over a fare, you put his bags in the trunk, and you drive him wherever he or she needs to go through rush hour traffic with a cell phone in one hand and a cigarette in the other. You drop them off, get your cash, cut your hair into a mohawk, and go shoot a pimp who deals in underage girls. Just the classic life of a taxi driver. If you think you can handle it, it's yours for $6,000.

[replaces Taxi]



[Author - universetwisters]

Built on a V-Series Chassis, this Ambulance has been through hell and high water on the mean streets of New Orleans and having been retired, is now looking for a new owner. Collector? Another hospital? Whatever the purpose, this is one deal you CAN'T miss out on! If you act on this now, we'll throw in pills, needles, and if it fills your high, defibrillators! That's right, all that legally-grey medical supplies for FREE with this! You must be as smart as the brain dead suicide victims that used to ride in the back of this if you miss out on this deal!

[replaces Ambulance]



[Author - universetwisters]

Here we have two fine, top notch 1985 Premiers, no dents or scratches, all for $10,000! Two sedans for $10,000! Who's crazy enough to turn down a former taxi and a sedan driven only seven times by an elderly lady to and from church? Whoever's crazy enough to be giving them away (us) for $10,000!

[replaces Elegant & Taxi]



[Author - universetwisters]

Do you have snow? Of course you do, assuming you live in an area where the snow is frequent. But here's the pertinent question - are you willing to pay someone to plow it, or do you want to do it yourself? If the latter, good for you because we now have a Bobcat fitted out just for that! With a snowplow, floodlights, and a fairly decent heating system, this snowplow is all yours for just $3,500! And even if you don't live where it snows, who cares? You can still use it to plow away sand in the desert or really fuck with your rivaling neighbor's lawn, all for $3,500!

[replaces Bobcat]



[Author - universetwisters]

Want to impersonate a utility worker? You already have your high-visibility vest, hard hat, and clipboard, but what else to you need? You need a convincing utility truck from 1978, that's what! And it can be all yours for just $10,000!

[replaces Utility Van]



[Author - universetwisters]

In the 1970's, the German car company Opus worked diligently to design their own rendition of the then-popular sports coupes in America. The end result was a distaster. Today, the Mantis' only claim to fame is a few Dutch comedy films, such as the poorly made, edited, and written "Godverdomme Nederlandse Mensen", and sitting on some cinder blocks in front of some mobile home in Europe en masse. And now's your own chance to own one, imported all the way from Essen, just for $25,000! Is it a lot? Sure, but for something that looks like a muscle car, handles like a hatchback, and made in Germany, it's well worth the money!

[replaces Hotrina]



[Author - universetwisters]

You want a truck? Sure, you can have any kind you want. But you want a truck with stakes in the bed? Then you're shit out of luck...unless you take a gander at our new Sadler stake bed! What is it? It's a Sadler with a stake bed, that's what it is! Now you can transport all your precious materials such as cattle, scrap, hay, political prisoners, and other stuff you don't want falling out. You don't want stuff to fall out, right? Then THIS is what you need!

[replaces Sadler]



[Author - universetwisters]